There is no "I" in Parent

There is no "I" in Parent

So much of parenting takes place in the moment and is focused, quite understandably, on the children. I know in my house our morning and evening routines are based on the children’s schedules and much of our social calendar is scheduled around the kids’ engagements. Menu choices for dinner, movies to watch, and games to play are all based, at least in part, on our children’s tastes, moods, and whims. Often I feel that I get lost in the rush.

Read More

Why Taylor Swift's Reputation Matters

In my four-plus decades on the planet, I had never been to a pop concert. The closest thing was a Crosby Stills and Nash concert at an outdoor amphitheater back when I was in college. And, I did see Surreal Neil (a Neil Diamond impersonator) once at a bar in San Francisco. It was obviously time for me to go, and why not embrace this new adventure with my kids and finally be inducted into the hip crowd?

IMG_0793.jpg

I wasn’t the biggest Taylor Swift fan, though I always enjoyed her songs. I first heard You Belong with Me when my niece was singing it in a video she shared with me, and my kids made fun of me as I would sing along (more like hum along) to Love Story or Blank Space in the car (coming in conveniently at the end of the chorus where I knew the words). She was a good singer, but beyond her catchy tunes, I didn’t know much about her.

During a rare weekend, when my family was all home and open to adventure, we hopped in the car, drove 13 hours, toured Louisville, KY, where we’d never been before, and attended a stadium concert of Taylor Swift’s Reputation Tour. Now I LOVE Taylor Swift and finally understand the screaming girls that populate her concerts. I was one of them. Let it be said, as I am sure it already has been, Taylor Swift puts on a FABULOUS show! She truly rocks! And I couldn’t get enough.

Before the concert, as my kids were prepping me by playing the the songs I didn’t know, I was dreading the six-sets. Ugh - it would be crowded, hot, and go on with all these songs I don’t even know. I masked my curmudgeonly attitude and, I couldn't have been more wrong. I could have danced all night! In fact, when she said goodnight, I looked over at my daughter and asked, “She’s done? It’s over?”

I was impressed with how Swift incorporated her struggle into her performance. She shared her experiences of frustration and confusion through video segments and her own live narration between songs. While I assume much of the narration was to tie sets together and to appease her audience, it felt authentic and her words reflected a truly human experience. No matter how contrived these transitions may have been, they seemed cathartic for her and informing for her audience. She talked about her pain and needing time to reflect and re-brand. When people cheered, she leaned on her fans and shared an appreciation for them in their understanding.

It was great to be there together, singing, dancing, enjoying the pyrotechnics, and the snow cones (albeit pricey at the concessions) were perfect for the hot night (still 90 degrees after sunset).

Now as we listen to the Reputation album over and over and really focus on the words, it’s started a conversation in our family about reputations, pain, friendships, public appearance, and coping strategies.

In This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things, I didn’t understand why she laughs off “forgiveness is a nice thing to do.” After all, that part of the song sounds like it could easily have come from one of the many CDs I used to play with my toddler children. When I asked my kids, “Why is she laughing? After all, isn’t forgiveness a nice thing to do?” They each had a response.

One of my children posited that she had been hurt by someone and tried to forgive and it didn’t work out so she has to move on.

Another of my kids tried to explain to me that just because something is nice to do doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. We were able to explore forgiveness.

This has helped us to broach the topics so relevant to our two teens and tween. There is a struggle to find a balance between caring about what people think and doing your own thing. And what about when what someone else thinks becomes what they say behind (or in front) of your back? Then how does that affect what others think, and should you care?

It’s easy at the dinner table to simply say, “It doesn’t matter what other people think.” But while that might be an ideal and we want our kids to do the “right” thing no matter what others think, it’s simply not as simple as that.

Now I feel I have an added resource for this all-important conversation. Sometimes forgiveness isn’t the right thing to do. How can we get back on the proverbial tour and continue to do what we love, but perhaps a little differently? I’m so grateful for the shared  experience of my first pop concert and all it offered us, in the stadium and out.

When Good Friends are Not Such Good Friends

When Good Friends are Not Such Good Friends

Just when you feel like things are going well and you’ve got a handle on life for the moment, you’re hit with a bout of your child’s social drama (cue the music). It comes out of nowhere as far as you’re concerned because you’re not in the thick of it at school and on social media every day. It’s the worst and it can break a parent’s heart. Your daughter comes home in tears because kids are talking behind her back (or worse, messaging online). Or your son comes home and is strangely quiet and disconnected from his friends.

Read More